I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
