So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
not ubering you a puppy
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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