have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
