She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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