Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
