btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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