I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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