sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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