Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
