He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
