Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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