My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
