i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
