My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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