Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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