If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
