probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
