Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
