Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
