dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
