you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
