Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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