If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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