He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
