I'm really into asian looking animals
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
