I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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