He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
