I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
