did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
