don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
