I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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