Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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