bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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