I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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