remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
