Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
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dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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