So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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