he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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