Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
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I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
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Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize