im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
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I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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