Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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