The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Come share oat with me in your robe
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
