Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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