I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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