last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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