I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
