And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Blood and glitter go together right?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
