Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
