I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
