i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
