Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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