My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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