I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
