I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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