Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
