So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
