Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
