Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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