i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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