just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
