you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
