we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
