why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
