the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
