We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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