like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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