There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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