Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
