i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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