My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
