you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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