I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
