All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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