I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
